


How Did You End Up In This Mess?

by GrimNovalis



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Female Reader, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2018-04-06 14:20:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4225020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimNovalis/pseuds/GrimNovalis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're just a normal pizza delivery girl. You slave away each day, going to different places across town just to deliver food. The thing is, there's this one apartment that keeps ordering pizza and requesting you to be the one to bring it. </p><p>It wasn't until today that you finally realized who this pizza buyer was.</p><p>And it didn't help that it clicked in your mind that he was your favorite internet celebrity of the sexual kind.</p><p>Oh how life liked to torture you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was just another day. Just another fucking hot day delivering pizzas.

You sighed as you dragged your feet up the stairs of this way-too-tall apartment building. Seriously, this thing was like, 20 floors? It didn't help that this pizza was to be delivered to the second to last floor. And it was the 5th god damn time these people ordered a pizza in the last week.

Once you got to the door, you grumpily knocked on it. A boy answered. He looked to be around 12, maybe 13 years old. He had short-ish, light blond hair and shades that perfectly hid his eyes. His white shirt had a record on it while the sleeves of the shirt were a bright red.

He looked at you blankly for a few seconds before yelling behind him, "Pizzas here Bro!" He then walked away, leaving the door open.

A rather tall, pale man walked up to the doorway. Like the younger one, he had light blond hair, but it seemed to defy gravity. Maybe he globed it up with hair gel? He also wore shades, but these were pointy at the ends and at the bottom.

"How much do I owe ya?" he asked, pulling a wad of cash out of his pocket.

You stared at the wad for a few, wondering how the fuck he got so much money. Was he a drug dealer? Maybe a pimp? Each time you came to this apartment, he ALWAYS brought out that wad of cash to pay. It baffled you each time. Your thoughts were cut of by him clearing his throat.

"$7.98," you said rather quickly as you looked back up at his face. 

He pulled out a folded up 10 dollar bill and handed it to you. You handed him the pizza and started going through the money you had to give him change.

"Keep the change," he said.

"Thank you," you said as put the money away.

Normally, this would be the point the pizza buyer would close the door, but he just stood in the doorway and stared at you. You awkwardly avoided his gaze. You had to admit, the guy was pretty handsome and you'd be lying if you said that him staring at you didn't make your cheeks heat up. Not only that, but he looked familiar, though you couldn't figure out where you had seen him before.

The silence felt like it went on forever, but then he finally spoke up. "Do you want me to walk you back down?" He scratched the back of his head. "It's a long way down and it can be a borin' trip."

The corners of your lips quirked up into a small smile. "Sure."

"Give me a sec then." He walked off. Mumbling could be heard between the tall guy and the younger one, it sounded akin to bickering.

He walked back to the doorway, a hat now covering the top of his head. "Don't burn the apartment down while I'm gone, Dave." The response to him was a groan, followed by an empty apple juice box being thrown at him.

The tall guy ignored it and started walking off with you. Most of the time, you just looked down as you descended the building. At least, that was until he spoke up. "So, what's your name?"

You looked over at him, a small smile on your lips, "I'm ______. You?"

He adjusted his shades as he looked at you, "I'm Dirk. Most people call me Bro though."

Wait... Bro... You had heard that name somewhere before. Evidently, the expression on your face showed this. Dirk smirked at you slightly. 

That smirk, that god damn sexy smirk was enough to make you remember. He was a rather well known porn star. One of the best ones you knew of. Your cheeks quickly heated up in a bright blush, making him chuckle.

"So you have heard of me before," he mused, his smirk widening.

You just stopped and stared at him. You've been delivering pizza to your FAVORITE FUCKING PORN STAR. How had you not noticed it before!?

You somehow weren't able to form sentences anymore, your face a bright red. He chuckled at you before gently grabbing your hand and pulling a pen out of his pocket. He wrote his number on your palm before clicking the pen.

"Text me sometime, ______," he said as he walked off, smirking.


	2. Chapter 2

You sighed and flopped onto your bed once you got home. That pizza was, luckily, the last one you had to deliver before your shift ended. 

You just laid there for a bit, your face in the pillow. You were having a mental argument with yourself on if what just happened was a dream. If it was, then holy fucking hell was it the dream equivalent of a strip tease.

If it wasn’t a dream though…. That means you have a porn star’s number. You lifted your head off the pillow and got out your phone. You looked at your hand and put his number in your contacts before texting him. {Is this Dirk?} you sent.

It wasn’t even a minute later that he responded. {hell yeah it is. this is ______, right?}

You grinned at your phone. Holy shit, he actually responded. You really didn’t think he’d respond, but he did. You started up another text. {Yup! Its me! I’m actually kinda surprised you responded.}

You put your phone in your back pocket and got up from your bed. You headed into the apartment’s kitchen to get something to eat, your stomach was yelling at you and you decided you’ve taken enough of its shit for the night. You started looking through your fridge, nothing in there you’d want to eat. As you started heading towards the small pantry, your phone vibrated. {why wouldn’t I respond to a cutie like you? i was the one to give you my number after all.}

You blushed a bit. Did he really just call you a cutie? You read the text over and over before it finally clicked in your head that he indeed called you cute.

Your blush brightened and you made a noise akin to a squeak. Your favorite porn star called you cute. Your favorite fucking porn star called you cute. You swore you would have almost fainted if your stomach hadn’t growled at you again. 

You continued on your search for food, figuring that you’d send Dirk a text after you’d find something to eat. 

~*~

“Hey! Lil’ man! Where’s the rest of the pizza?” Bro yelled from the futon. He was lounging and playing some video games. Lil Cal was resting on the giant speaker next to the TV.

“I took it since you were so distracted by that pizza girl texting you!” Dave shouted from his room, some of the sick beats he was working on playing in the background.

Bro groaned, “Dude, I bought the pizza, bring me a god damn slice! And her name is ______!” He he paused his game and set his gaming controller down on his chest, looking around the edge of the futon at the door to Dave’s room.

Soon enough, Dave’s tunes were paused and he came out with two slices. He was grumbling a bit under his breath, “You have two legs, you could’ve gotten the stupid pizza yourself.”

Bro raised an eyebrow at Dave before taking the slices. “What was that Dave? I didn’t quite hear you. Maybe Lil Cal can help you speak up a bit.” Lil Cal’s head moved so he was looking at Dave. 

Dave visibly paled. “N-Never mind.” He quickly started to head back to his room before Bro interrupted him, “Before you go Lil’ man, I got a question.” 

Dave sighed and stopped in his doorway, “What is it now? Do you want me to help you make smuppets again or something? If if has anything to do with smuppets, I’m not doin’ it.”

Bro chuckled, “Nah man. Its a question about ______.”

“You mean the pizza girl you specifically asked for five times because you don’t know how to ask a girl out?” Dave smirked a bit.

Bro’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, ______. Now, should I ask her out on a date even though we just formally met today or what?”

Dave stared at his big brother for a few moments before bursting into a fit of laughter. “That’s what you wanted to ask?! Pfffft! Dude! You’re a porn star who has no grasp on relationships!” He had to lean against his doorway just so he wouldn’t fall over from his laughing.

Bro let out an agitated sigh. “Just give me a fuckin' answer, will ya?”

Dave’s laughter died down after a few, a smirk still on his face. “Well, if I were you, I’d ask her if she’d want to go out for coffee or something. You know, do something to get to know her.” Dave turned around and walked into his room. “Now if that’s all you wanted, I’m gonna get back to making some sick beats.” He closed the door as Bro’s phone vibrated.

Bro pulled his phone out of his back pocket and looked at the screen he smirked a bit when he saw it was a text from ______. {Its very true that you gave me your number! So, what’s up?} 

~*~

You were sitting on your couch, watching TV and eating some buttered noodles that you had made for yourself. It hadn’t been too long since you had sent your text, and it didn’t take too long for you to get an answer.

{well, i was wondering if you wanted to go out for coffee tomorrow if you weren’t busy.} 

You stared at your phone for what seemed like hours. Was he really asking you out? Maybe you were just reading into it too much. After a few, you sent your response. {Sure! I don’t work tomorrow, so it would be nice to get out of the house. :)}

You ate some more of your noodles before getting a message from him. {awesome. how about you come to my place around noon?}

You quickly typed out your text before filling your face with some more food. Damn were you hungry. {That sounds perfect! I’ll see you then! :)}

You got up once you finished your noodles and took the bowl to the kitchen, putting your phone in one of your pockets. You rinsed the bowl off in the sink before heading into your room to get ready for bed. 

Your phone vibrated and you took it out to look at the message. {can’t wait to see you then cutie. ;)}

You blushed yet again. What’s with him calling you cutie? You barely even know each other! Well… You know him from his videos and some of the live chats he’s done, but that’s not the point.

After getting your PJs on, you climbed into bed and happily snuggled up to the covers.

Though it didn’t take long for your eyes to shoot open at the realization that you’re going out with your favorite porn star tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

When your alarm went off, you let out a grumpy grumble. You reached over to your nightstand to turn the alarm on your alarm clock off, but it took a few attempts since your eyes were still closed. 

After fighting off the urge to fall back to sleep, you sat up and yawned. You felt like you didn’t get much sleep last night even though you got about 9 hours. You swung your feet over the edge of your bed before rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. It took a few seconds, but you groggily opened them and yawned.

You got up and headed to the bathroom. Your hair was a mess, sticking out in the oddest places. Letting out a slight sigh, you closed the door and undressed to take a shower.

~*~

By the time ______ got up, Bro was already up and dressed. He was pacing around the apartment as Dave lounged on the couch, eating a poptart.

“Bro, are you nervous?” Dave chuckled. Bro huffed in response, crossing his arms as he stopped to glare at his brother.

Dave responded with a smirk, pushing his shades up. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Bro, indeed, was nervous. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt since he was an awkward teen in his weeaboo phase. Why did he even feel nervous? He was a famous internet porn star, he shouldn’t feel nervous about one girl. …Should he? 

He was actually worried about what ______ would think of him. Maybe she wouldn’t like him. Maybe she would think he was an egotistical jerk. The thoughts going through his head made his face pale up even more than usual. 

~*~

You let out a satisfied sigh as you wrapped a nice, fluffy towel around yourself. You were clean and awake and it was almost 11. You headed to your room and got out a t-shirt and some shorts before fully drying yourself off.

After getting dressed, you got your shoes on, grabbed your wallet and your keys, and headed out the door. The apartment building you lived in was small but comfortable, and it was in a quieter part of the city. You were able get the last apartment on the second floor a few years back.

You headed to your car, which was parked on the other side of the street. You got into your car and let out a soft yawn before starting it up and heading to Dirk’s apartment.

~*~

It didn’t take too long for you to arrive at Dirk’s apartment building. You got out of your car and headed to the nice looking, glass, front double doors. You could see through the door’s that Dirk was actually waiting for you in the lobby. You smirked a little bit as you headed inside.

“You came down from your apartment just to meet up with me? How sweet,” your smirk widened as you spoke.

He responded by crossing his arms and chuckling, “Well yeah. Wouldn’t want you to tire yourself out by goin’ up and down the stairs.”

You playfully rolled your eyes. “So, where’s the coffee place that we’re going to?”

His shades gleamed a bit, “Well, there’s this nice coffee joint a few streets down. I figured we could walk to it.”

“That would work,” your smirk turned into more of a smile.

You walked out of the building with him. Walking for the first two blocks was slightly awkward. The silence was so thick between you and him that if it was in a solid form, it could’ve been cut by a butter knife and spread across a piece of toast.

You let out a soft cough before speaking up. “So… Um… Nice weather we’re having?” You looked at him with a slightly goofy half-grin. 

He looked at you and chuckled, “If you consider this hot-as-satan’s-testicals weather nice, then I guess so. Though it be nicer if I could take my clothes off. It’d let me cool down.” 

You visibly blushed, which made him laugh. Before he could finish laughing, you smirked mischievously. “You know, I wouldn’t have a problem with that at all. The only thing I’d have to say is that you should take it ALL off if you’re gonna do that. Although, I doubt you’d do it.”

He stopped in his track and stared at you, a very faint blush showing up on his cheeks. Did you just challenge him? You stopped and chuckled in triumph before walking again, the coffee shop within view.

He quickly caught up with you, one thought racing through his mind: _I’m gonna have one HELL of a time with this girl._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who finally got up off her ass and finished the 3rd chapter! :D
> 
> Also, I know this chapter is short, but it is leading up to the first date.


	4. Chapter 4

The coffee shop was surprisingly nice and quiet. There were people scattered throughout the seats, some on computers and others reading books. 

You walked up to the counter with Dirk, and the boy at the counter greeted you.

He was short with scraggly brown hair. His cheeks and the bridge of his nose were covered in freckles. "Welcome to No Dozthe Cafe," he said cheerfully with a slight lisp, "How can I help you today?"

Dirk looked at you over his glasses. "Go ahead and order first."

You smiled and glanced up at the menu. So many choices... Too many choices. Some of them even had strange names. Dublin Tower? Mean Bean Supreme? Shot in the Dark Expresso? It made your head spin a bit.

You finally settled on a Mocha Frappuccino. It'd be nice and cold for this overly hot day, and chocolate sounded really fucking good right now.

The cashier typed it into his register before looking over at Dirk. "And the usual for you, Mithter Dirk?" Dirk nodded, getting out his wad of cash. The cashier typed in the second drink and cheerfully spoke. "Your total ith gonna be $12.67." Dirk handed him a $20 and the cashier handed back the change. "Go ahead and take a theat. I'll bring the coffeeth out in jutht a moment."

You and Dirk walked over to an unoccupied table and you smirked at him. "Mr. Dirk? The usual? My my, when did you become Mr. Big Shot?"

Dirk laughed, "I just come here a lot to figure out business stuff for work. I told the kid not to call me Mr. Dirk, but he does it anyways"

You both sat down across from each other. The seats were surprisingly comfy but the silence unsurprisingly wasn’t. You stared at each other for what seemed like eons. Although the awkwardness kept getting thicker and thicker like a mug muffin that’s in the microwave too long, you were slightly content with sitting there and not talking because it let you really study his features.

Dirk’s jaw line was sharp and adorned with stubble that went all the way down to his chin. It stood out against his pale skin despite the hairs being a pale light blond themselves. On his cheeks and across his nose were freckles. Although they were light, they still stood out, even with his sunglasses covering them up a bit.

Footsteps coming from the side tore you from your thoughts. You looked over and saw the boy from the counter happily walk over with both of your drinks. “And for the couple, a Mocha Frapp and a Coffee Crithp Frapp!” 

The boy looked pleased with himself. Dirk’s shades slipped down his nose a bit in response, you could see his eyes were wide behind them. You, on the other hand, were red as a tomato. This kid really thought you two were a couple?! This was your first date/hang out/meet up thing! … On the other hand, maybe that’s not such a bad thing. You mentally shook yourself out of your thoughts. Don’t wanna be overly hopeful.

The boy left with a skip in his step and Dirk looked over at you. Seeing your blush, he started to snicker. You snatched your drink and playfully glared at him while sipping through the straw. Dirk grabbed his drink with a smirk on his face, “So we’re a couple now, eh? I don’t see that as a bad thing.” His voice had a spell-like smoothness to it as he spoke. Fucking suave wizarding bullshit. 

It got to you though, and you somehow became redder than the reddest red to ever red. Were you dating him now? Were you??? You felt embarrassed, happy, confused, and concerned. You didn’t know him like you wanted to! There was only a slight personal bond so far! All the thoughts going through your head made you dizzy.

Dirk broke you out of your thoughts with by tapping the top to your drink. “Helloooo? Earth to ______. Ground control is calling to see if you want your order shipped to space or not.”

You blinked at him. “W-Wha?” was all that you could really muster from your lips. He blinked at you, his expression going from confident to concerned in a split second.

“Are you okay with us dating?” The confidence left his voice, surprising you. You mulled over your thoughts for a few moments before dumbly nodding. Apparently your brain forgot how to work, time to put the hamster wheel in its place.

His confident attitude returned and he comfortably sat back in his seat. For the next half hour you two made small talk. With your brain being short-circuited, you had a hard time keeping focused on anything except him and your coffee.

When you both finished your coffees, you got up and left the shop. Dirk began walking you to your car. With this walk, however, he was closer to you. Much closer. Almost hand-holdy close. To your surprise, he brought his arm up and put it around your shoulders. What a bold move.

At your car door, you both stopped. He removed his arm and looked at you. You felt this weird, happy dizziness in your head. This had to all be a dream. That’s the only thing that could explain this. 

“Text me when you get back home, okay?” He smiled with a mix of confidence and sincerity. You smiled and nodded back, unlocking your car as you did so. Before you got in the car to drive home, he took your hand. His free hand took his hat off and he leaned his head down to kiss the top of your hand, looking over his shades right into your eyes.

At this point, your brain and the hamster abandoned ship to leave the unmoving hamster wheel in charge. Dirk put his hat back on, grinning as he headed back to his apartment building. 

You got home safe, texted him to let him know, and proceeded to plop onto your bed and screech into your pillow.

Unbeknownst to you, Dirk was doing the same thing on his futon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long guys! I'm so happy my creativity boosted back up so I could write this chapter. College has been kinda kicking my butt, so I haven't really been able to get to the story. ^_^'

**Author's Note:**

> Now, this is my first fic on here and I'm pretty proud of the first chapter. I'd like some response from you guys to let me know if you think its good so far and what I need to work on. Thanks for reading! ^_^


End file.
